11/12/13 6:30 PM
10/13/13 12:30 PM
RE: Sunday snoozeday
To: Claudio, John, Steve, Dylan, Patrick, Jill, Dan
Subject: Sunday snoozeday
Hope everyone’s had a good Sunday. I’m on my way back to NYC from Ithaca, where it was Alumni Weekend. It was my first time back since the first weekend of May when I closed my apartment and watched my mattress ride away strapped to the top of a Craigslister’s car.
This weekend was an Ithaca that I built; I chose the friends I wanted to see, the places to eat, the bars to open tabs at. It was like the highlight reel of a high school athlete on YouTube: all of the touchdowns with none of the fumbles we all know are there. From that angle, it was a success; I checked all the boxes and even drew and then checked off some more. But from another angle, this weekend was a lot about reconciling my Ithaca life with the very different life I have just a few months later.
Leaving Ithaca meant willingly losing some really good parts of my life. I wrestled with that often before looking seriously at new jobs because it’s the type of situation I’ve never been faced with. Going from high school to college was pre-ordained and fairly clean cut. Graduating college and moving forward was just me moving into an office on the same campus. So choosing first that it was time to move on, and then eventually to pull the trigger, is the kind of weight I hadn’t yet felt until this spring.
Six months on, I’m definitely still grappling with the ramifications. I have some amazing friends in Ithaca that I now barely talk to, and knowing I pulled the rip cord on that is tough. I also lost my girlfriend (which I hadn’t initially considered would happen but should have been more honest with myself about potentially happening). So while the move still feels like it was right, I’m not sure I was prepared for the ripples that followed.
This afternoon I took some time to myself and sat by the college’s iconic fountains. I’ve taken pictures of them a million times, first as a college student, and then for work. But this time the only reason to take a picture would be as a nostalgic alumnus. As the wind blew the fountain’s mist around me, I thought about how much the campus has changed since I’d first taken a tour of it, and of how many aspects of South Hill I’ve immersed myself in since then.
For the first time in months, the constant stream of noise in my brain ebbed just ever so slightly. I was home, but not in Ithaca; it was in the person I’ve become. I needed this weekend to remind me that phases of life aren’t clean cut and that moving forward doesn’t mean you have to leave everything behind. It’s a simple thought, but one that I’ve definitely struggled with often.